What’s an Irish exit?

We were talking about this while driving home the other day from a wedding: there’s been an uptick in a trend we rate highly, and one we think folks ought to know about. it’s called ‘Irish exit wedding etiquette’.

In wedding etiquette, an Irish exit means leaving the celebration without saying individual goodbyes to the couple, allowing them to stay on the dance floor and fully enjoy their evening without interruptions. It’s also known as an ‘Irish goodbye’.

OK, immediately, some of you are going to feel uncomfortable and imagine we’re promoting bad manners, right? Well, we’ve thought about this a fair bit and here’s why we’re fans of guests slipping away quietly on a wedding day. The idea has been around since 1751 – so that’s pretty traditional too.

Why the Irish exit works at weddings

We see this far too often.

The dance floor fills up, the band or DJ are doing their bit, everything is lush…
Then some members of the same Bowls Club as the Bride’s dad beckon her off the dance floor so they can say their goodbyes.

The Bride stops dancing, wanders off the floor, has one of those polite chats you sort of have to do… then waves to the new Hubby to come over too, to be polite, say thank you for the toaster they gifted, etc.

This process is repeated as the less emotionally invested guests realise they need to book taxis, get home, or make excuses about the dog that needs feeding.
It goes on. And on. And on.

The outcome?

The couple and their actively engaged guests, never truly get to enjoy the band or the music until the messy end of the night. They’re constantly distracted and interrupted by people who (we’re being really blunt here, sorry in advance) aren’t actually contributing to the vibe at that point of the day (and may have already emotionally left the building).

While chatting about this phenomenon, we came across the concept of “the Irish exit” or ‘Irish goodbye’ and it essentially means leaving a party without killing the atmosphere.

We reckon that’s a brilliant, courteous, and empathetic thing to do.

How to encourage an Irish exit at your wedding

So what’s the practical way to introduce the concept, especially for guests who might not be familiar with it?

One option is to mention it during the speeches. In effect, you’re letting people know that you’re doing your formal goodbyes and thank-yous now, while you’re sound of mind and sober. Let them know how much you appreciate them but that you plan on dancing together and fully enjoying what you’ve imagined for your wedding. Actually, this sounds like a Best Man or Maid of Honour job doesn’t it?

You reassure guests they’re appreciated, loved, and valued but that once the dancing starts, you’ll be dancing. Together. On purpose. As planned.

You could also include it on your invitations or wedding website:
“Irish exit applies” (or similar).

Still feels rude? (For couples or guests!)

Does it though? Is it worse than interrupting a rare moment of joy to explain your route home and the vagaries of the A11?

Isn’t it actually the most courteous and empathetic way to leave a busy social gathering? Is the mild awkwardness of not following convention really worth interrupting people during ‘Mr Brightside’?

Ground rules and exceptions for the Irish exit

A few important caveats: Neither we, nor you, are monsters after all.

• If it’s your Nan or Grandad and they’ve made a huge effort to be there but need their rest, they absolutely get a hug and a thank you. VIP rules apply.
• None of this makes sense if there are only 10 people at the wedding. Obviously. In that case, say goodbye to everyone.
• If you know that not saying goodbye will genuinely upset the couple, read the room. You know how important you are to them.
• If you’re still unsure, let the Best Man or Maid of Honour know.

Follow-up suggestions for an Irish exit

Ideally, if guests have been given the green light to Irish exit, a lot of pressure is lifted from everyone’s shoulders. Still, here are a few simple ways to make Irish exit wedding etiquette feel even smoother:

• Send a text from the taxi saying: “Thanks for having me, lovely party — speak soon.” The couple probably won’t see it until the next day, which is perfect and will be welcomed.
• In some cases (bad weather weddings, long journeys, etc.), it might work better to send that message once you’re home safe, so they know you had a great time and got back OK.
• More old-school (and equally lovely): send a card or note in the post saying “Thanks for having us -congratulations.”
• You could also add a line to the guest book as you leave, or even drop a note into their on-site post box if you’re good at admin stuff!

We wish you the best dance floor ever (and fewer polite interruptions).

If you’re still at the wedding planning stage and wants some more tips go here and if you’d like us to be at your wedding, give us a shout.