This is the first time we’ve mentioned this on our website — but Neil and I are actually both neurospicy! I’m autistic, and we suspect Neil has ADHD (he’s currently on a huge waitlist!). Over the years, we’ve met so many couples with the same neuro-combo (a little bit of yin and yang, perhaps?), and Meg and Jack are one of them.

We first met Meg and Jack back in 2021 when we photographed their wedding. We absolutely loved how they did things their own way (more on their unique ‘first dance’ later!). Meg, an incredible English teacher and now someone I’m lucky to call a friend, has put this blog together for us.

If you have ADHD, autism, or both, and the thought of planning a wedding feels overwhelming—this one’s for you.

Please introduce yourselves 🙂

I have ADHD and my husband has Autism. Ordinarily, we compliment each other really well, but my outgoing and extroverted nature didn’t always correlate with his introverted personality when it came to wedding planning. The key thing for us was finding a balance between my desire to party and his desire to make everyone go home and leave us alone!

By being true to ourselves and absolutely ruthless to the rules and traditions, we created the perfect day.

How did the planning process go?

Firstly we played on our strengths. Jack managed the budget and the spreadsheet, while I made a lot of the creative decisions.

It’s easy for me to get carried away and I’m not great with money, so we set our limit a lot lower than we could afford so that the inevitable times something shiny caught my eye, we had some wiggle room.

I also found it useful to create some Pinterest boards to help me with the visuals. I even started a real scrapbook but I got bored of that so it didn’t last! But getting “pin-happy” at the start of the process helped us to narrow down and visualise what we wanted.

How did you choose your venues?

We primarily chose venues that were meaningful to us. We held the ceremony in the Theatre Royal where I had performed since I was a child. There was a degree of compromise here; Jack found the idea of getting married on a stage very difficult, but when I suggested we look elsewhere he wouldn’t hear of it because he knew this was important to me.

There was an option to have the reception there too, but there wasn’t a lot of outdoor space or places to escape to which we knew both of us (but mostly Jack) would like to have available.

The reception was held where we first met so it, again, had personal meaning to us. However, we also liked the fact that they could offer “quiet” spaces for when anyone felt overwhelmed, as well as having a separate room to the dance floor where people could be sociable and talk. It also had lots of outdoor space.

Did you need to communicate with suppliers differently?

Jack doesn’t like making conversation with people he doesn’t know so I did most of the communication with vendors. My ADHD can sometimes make me worry that I have not properly expressed myself in written text so I am unusual in that I prefer to speak to people. So I made the most of wedding fairs and open days where you could talk to vendors face to face.

I especially liked that Lisa and Neil would meet with us face to face or on Zoom to plan and prepare as it was really reassuring.

We also really drew on the skills of people around us. My bridesmaid did my hair and make-up. An ex-colleague made our cake. We chose a friend to be our celebrant. This made everything easier but also very personal.

A word of advice though: if your friend does that role professionally, don’t expect to be given freebies or massive discounts. It’s nice if they want to, but it’s their business and it’s important to support and respect their skills.

Was there anything else you did to help manage your neurodivergence?

INVITE ONLY PEOPLE YOU WANT THERE! People get so hung up on who “should” be at your wedding. People get pretty aggressive about it in wedding groups. It’s bollocks. You’re paying how much per head? You get to call the shots.

Lots of people after our wedding said what they loved about it was what an incredible atmosphere there was and how there was just so much love in the room. We were brutal with our guest list and we weren’t ashamed.

On that note, we also had a “no children except family” wedding. As long as you accept that some people may not be able to make it if childcare is an issue, do not feel that you have to invite peoples’ children. It can be a recipe for sensory overload.

Similarly, don’t let “tradition” dictate how you spend the day. You’ll be much happier with a schedule that’s yours and works for you.

Did you do anything to help cope with overstimulation?

We had a very selective guest list and we chose a venue that had space to step out of the mayhem.

We also drew on the support of friends and family. People love to help out at a wedding – it makes them feel even more a part of your big day!

We also chose a venue with space to disappear to if you needed to, including lots of outdoor space.

Tell us about your ceremony!

We asked our friend to be our celebrant, which made it really personal. We also chose venues that meant a lot to us.

Nobody walked me down the aisle except my bridesmaids because I didn’t want to be “given away.” And I walked down the aisle to “wouldn’t it be nice” by the Beach Boys because my husband used to sing it to me.

We didn’t do things like throwing the bouquet because it didn’t really resonate with us. However, I did include a dried flower from the bouquet he gave me on our first date in my bouquet.

We also tried to make decorations personal to us too. Our tables were named after our favourite books and our cake topper was me in my Muay Thai outfit and Jack in his Jiu Jitsu gi.

One thing we pondered over was the first dance. Jack didn’t want to dance and I didn’t want to force him to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. We considered a first “fight” as we met through martial arts. But my husband had far more experience than me and it wouldn’t be a fair fight. Plus – I wasn’t doing that in my wedding dress!

In the end, we decided to have a girl’s dance as the first dance. We played “girls just wanna have fun” and I invited all my girlfriends onto the dance floor with me. It was a great way to celebrate the love of my friends.

Did you make any other adaptations?

It was actually Lisa and Neil who told us we didn’t have to get married at the same time as our wedding and suggested doing the legal bits in advance to make our timings work better for us.

So we planned to get married on Jack’s lunch break a few days before at a registry office to save us time and money on the day. In the end, Covid changed those plans anyway but the flexibility gave us so much more choice.

What sort of support system did you have?

Have people in your wedding party who can help you! One of my bridesmaids was striding around with a walkie talkie at one point and was giving me strong “Monica from friends” vibes.

Make sure your venue has someone available to help things move smoothly so you can both rest and relax.

Get wedding photographers (or other vendors) like Lisa and Neil who can use their expertise too! Neil’s ability to herd cats (aka wedding guests) and manage the grumpiest of family members was incredible. And Lisa’s sweet and friendly presence put everyone at ease. They were invaluable in adding to the day.

Any advice for other neurospicy couples?

It’s your day. Nobody gets to tell you what it should look like. Create a vision between the two of you and be prepared to stick to what will make you happy.

Remember, if you’ve crafted your guest list carefully, everyone there wants you to have the happiest day of your life too! Don’t let anyone make you compromise on that.

What were you must-have tools and resources?

I spent most of my time on Pinterest. I used a pretty generic wedding key dates checklist app which was useful to make me feel a sense of achievement and get that dopamine going!

I’ve also recently discovered a site called Goblin.tool which breaks down tasks for you – not wedding specific but great for any planning.

Finally, while I know it’s a little controversial, AI and ChatGTP can be useful for generating ideas or solutions.

Any words of encouragement?

The thing that I remember most about my wedding day was that I married the love of my life. The place could have been falling apart around us and I don’t think I would have cared. Your partner loves you for who you are – don’t bend or hide that in favour of traditionalism. Do what will make the two of you happiest.